Do You Love Yourself ?

Hello friends!

Aren't you guys glad its finally September, I know I am!

Its finally the beginning of fall! Here in Arizona we just go from summer to winter but I love this season because it means comfy sweaters and dark lipsticks! Even though its still 100 Degrees here I still like to get into that fall mood.

This month I hope to Finish a new book I just started called When God Winks At You by Squire Rushnell. The book is designed to help you recognize when God is giving you signs and it helps you understand that certain things aren't a coincidence and that they happen for a reason. Im super excited to read it because I think it will help me realize when God is talking to me.

During September I will be working towards improving my grades, I started School in July and so far I have three A's and one B but I want all A's. Im very competitive when it comes to grades and I'm always striving to be better. Idk why because I'm not that type of person in any other area of life but for some reason school always has me so pumped to be the best. I started going to Gateway community college, I'm currently in a pathway program to become a nurse and after I graduate from this program in December I will be starting block one of nursing school.

I am SOOOOO excited I've been working towards starting nursing school for what seems like forever. Its defiantly been hard, not the school part but trying to fill the title of being a college student at my age. The society we live in today pushes high school graduates to jump into college right away, choose your major (without any life experiences), and taking out a bunch of loans, only to realize that  what you poured your blood sweat and tears into for the past four years of your life wasn't exactly what you wanted. I use to feel so pressured to finish school I felt like I was running a race with time. I would put myself down and I truly felt like I wasn't good enough to live. I felt that because it didn't take me two years to graduate community college that I was failing at life. My parents would constantly ask me when I was going to graduate and sometimes I would even lie about it because I felt like they were disappointed in me. One day I finally broke down and just cried, I remember I was crying so much I had boogers running down my nose and mascara all over my face. I told my husband (boyfriend at the time) that I felt like I wasn't good enough and that I had not accomplished anything good. I told him how I felt pressure from all directions. He sat me down and helped me calm down and re-assured me that I was worthy. 

I have always struggled with feeling like I was less than I actually am, now that I have a relationship with God I'm learning to love myself as he made me. A young independent woman that is working towards her dream job. A young woman who doesn't have it all together but is striving to improve herself. I still struggle and there are times when I still feel like I'm not good enough but I'm getting better and thats what counts.

If there is anyone that is struggling with loving themselves I encourage you to seek God because he has filled a void in my heart that I could never fill in the past no matter what I did. Trying to conform to society is like putting a bandaid on, its going to cover your wounds for a little and make it seem like everything is better but eventually that bandaid will come off and all that pain and self doubt will be exposed once again. 

Im going to keep working towards my goals here on earth but I no longer put those on my list as my No.1 priority. My life now revolves around God because I have realized that life here on earth is so short and to me loosing my soul trying to gain the world is not worth it, after all I am just a visitor waiting for my ride to come take me to my real home.